look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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