I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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