your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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