remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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