remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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