grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
