I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
