I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm at about main and main street
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
