when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
