we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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