You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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