elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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