everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
