I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
