So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
