I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
