i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
