You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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