I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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