Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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