It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
worst night to have a conscience
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
