So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
