i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
