Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
