My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
