we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
