i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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