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i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
