I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
