And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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