I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
