we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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