I just made out with a guy for $7.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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