If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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