i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
