yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
