it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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