Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
