Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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