you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
