WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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