My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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