one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
