yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
