beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Randomize
