Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
