OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize