I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
