My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
