Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
