At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
