just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
