Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
