she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
