the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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