I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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