I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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