The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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