Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
