bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
