if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
cat food counts as protein by the way
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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