I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
