Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
