god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
