On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
