I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
