she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
